Henderson Mayfield: Hoot Snatcher

(An operating room. A patient wakes up screaming in the middle of surgery and a quick thinking nurse must put him back under with gas.) Surgeon: Hmm. Looks like our patient was shortchanged on his anesthesia. Who's the anesthesiologist? Nurse: Mayfield. Surgeon: Mayfield! What are you doing! Mayfield: (Crawling on the floor) Aw, like don't disturb me, all right? Because the gravity over here is really weak and I need to hang on to these tiles... Voice: His gentle bedside manner won their trust. (Another operation. Mayfield prepares an elderly patient for surgery.) Mayfield: There is nothing to fear. Just close your eyes and subtract the fluffy little sheep as they hop over the fence and out of sight. Starting at a hundred. Ready? Patient: I think so. (Mayfield starts to put the patient under with gas. The patient mumbles with his mouth covered.) Mayfield: (Lifting mouthpiece) What's that? Patient: I was doing what you said: 'ninety-nine, ninety-eight, ninety-seven...' Mayfield: You mean you made it to ninety-seven and you can still count? I better check this. (Greedily gulping the gas) Ninety-two, ninety-eight, four hundred and twelve... Voice: His girlfriend was a knockout. (A candlelight dinner at home.) Woman: Now you know my conditions. No funny stuff until we're engaged. Mayfield: (Raising wine glass) To us. (They bump glasses and drink. Immediately the woman loses consciousness and slumps forward.) Now, darling, don't tease me. You know how irresistible I find you in a drug induced coma. (Undressing her) I said, stop it! You're asking for this! Voice: There's no telling just how low a hoot snatcher will go. You'll have to find out for yourself with Henderson Mayfield: Hoot Snatcher tonight.
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© 2007, 2014. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.