Kill the Prick! (Desmond Bates)

Host: It's time for Kill the Prick! where the terminally sentenced waive their right to be executed by the state to have their cases heard by our compassionate studio audience. And today's offender Desmond Bates says he didn't do anything wrong. Tell us what happened, Desmond. Bates: This is all a misunderstanding. I am not a violent man. But I was terribly hungry and I didn't know what else to do. Host: That's a strong point. A lot of crime is caused by poverty. So the staff got in your way at the grocery store. You were out of your mind with hunger! You couldn't help yourself! Bates: Who said it was a grocery store? It was a clothing store. Host: I don't understand. What is there to eat in a clothing store? Bates: The staff. Host: What do you say, folks? Should we kill the prick? (Audience members howl 'kill the prick!' as the meter shows a 'thumbs down' for Bates. The host picks up a sharp knife.) Nice try, Bates. Now don't be nervous, I talked to a butcher about this. He said the calves don't even feel it...
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© 2007, 2014. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.