Close Your Eyes!

It's time for Close Your Eyes, the second favorite educational program for boys and girls ages five and up. You children are old enough to have a good idea of what you see around you and now it's time you started learning how to ignore it. And today we have something extra colorful for you to block from your sight, a beautiful parade sponsored by the local Association of Tavern Proprietors and Tobacco Merchants. That's their mascot, Hit-and-Run Hank. Isn't he cute? He can't see through the tobacco smoke in his car when he's drunk! And now he's going to hit an pedestrian... Aha! Caught ya! I didn't say 'close your eyes'. You're allowed to look at Hit-and-Run Hank. He's with the sponsor But here comes the Greenpeace float. Who invited those hippies? What are they complaining about now? Whale hunting? But if we don't kill the whales they'll eat up all the fish. Whose side are they on? Good heavens! Is that mechanical whale of theirs about to bite our flag? Children, close your eyes! Who wants to sit and criticize When you can simply close your eyes? Out of sight is out of mind And happiness is mostly blind Okay, you can open your eyes now. Monster Oil has sponsored this alternative energy float which features a new bio-energy called Minotaur power and appears to be pulled by some sort of genetically engineered creature. Anyway, the -uh- thing looks strong, good for a hundred thousand clicks at least. And don't mind the whipping. That's just how to speed it up. The important thing is we're not polluting the air. And in keeping with the mythological theme, here's a float from Brisco Cosmetics called The Birth of Venus. Venus was the ancient love goddess who sprang from sea foam. Any moment now that giant clam will open up and we'll see her in all her -agh!- nudity! Children, quick, close your eyes! Before your eyes can lead to sin You have to let the evil in Of nakedness there is no doubt Close your eyes and block it out
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© 2007, 2014. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.