Don't Break the Kitchen

Get ready to play Don't Break the Kitchen, the game show that tests men on their cooking skills. Our first contestant is Dan, a construction laborer. And the dish of the day is a cheese omelet. Dan, when I start the clock, you may proceed. Ready? Go! (Dan opens the fridge door and accidentally rips it from its hinges.) Oh! I'm sorry, Dan. You're disqualified. (A giant broom and dustpan sweeps Dan away with his mess.) Boy, that was fast. And we'll be right back after the break with our next contestant. Commercial: The Coven There's a new club for girls who want the arts and crafts of 4-H combined with the outdoor experience of the Girl Guides and who don't like canvassing. It's called The Coven. The Coven teaches how to harness the power of nature by strict control of the four basic elements: water, air, earth, and fire. At the Coven, girls learn poetry, cooking, astrology, and get to go on bus trips to the deep woods every full moon. The Coven keeps girls out of trouble and gives them the skills to make them confident in a crisis. The Coven Society for Girls. Register today. Okay, Bill, here, is going to try his luck next. He's a warehouse laborer. Are you ready, Bill? Go! (Bill gets the eggs out of the fridge, exciting the audience. He cracks them into a dish, throws in a hunk of cheese, and puts the mixture into the microwave. But the crowd moans with disappointment when he slams the door of the microwave so hard that it buckles.) No, sorry, Bill. No, the heat won't come on if the door can't close. Nice try though. (The broom and dustpan sweeps Bill away.) No winners yet but we're going to try one last time right after this. Commercial: Around the Corner This public service announcement is brought to you by Strong-Arm Security, offering affordable rates to hospitalize the people you don't like. Welcome to Around the Corner, featuring the two minutes of public service information we are forced by law to broadcast once a month. Around the corner is a revolutionary new program for panhandlers to grant them a share of the sidewalk while keeping them clear of pedestrian traffic. A special underground compartment will be used to tuck the beggar's body out of the way, leaving his head exposed by a tight hole about the neck. If passers-by want to donate, they can drop a coin through a slot. If they want to be left alone, they can kick him in the face. This is the kind of common sense solution that lets us relax and know that we're leaving a better world for our children. For Around the Corner, I'm Paul Prophet. We're back with Morris, a landscape laborer. Morris is our last hope for a winner today. Ready, Morris? Go! (Morris gets the eggs out of the fridge and flawlessly prepares the correct mixture. In a moment the omelet is sizzling away in a skillet.) Just five seconds to go and Morris will be home free. (Suddenly Morris pulls a hammer out of his apron and flattens the toaster.) Oh no! That was so close! Why did you do that? Oh well. I guess it's going to be one of those days on Don't Break the Kitchen. We'll just have to find some new contestants and try again tomorrow. Hope you'll be there.
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© 2007, 2014. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.